Life

Dear Diary… July 16,2019

There’s been a shift within me and I’d like to share it with YOU, in hopes to maybe spark a conversation within yourself…and maybe offer you the space to shift as well…. If needed.

I was listening to a podcast the other day by an amazing woman by the name of Elena Brower, You may know her… I hope you know her. You may also know the podcast…. PRACTICE YOU.

I’ve heard it before, I’ve followed elenas social media, it wasn’t the first time I’d heard the term “practice you”…. Except it was. 

 It was the first time I had REALLY heard…           PRACTICE YOU     

“OF COURSE”…”AH HAH”…. I found myself paused, diving within with the questions…

Do I practice ME or am I consumed with practicing to be everyone else…. To be who I assume the world wants me to be, the way I think I should be to fit in the pre determined roles set out for me as a female … A female working in Fitness and trying to “make it “ or “become somebody”

Neglecting to acknowledge that I already am, and always have been SOMEBODY.

Questions kept flooding in, and as they are personal, they are also valuable and therefore shareable… They have been on the forefront of my mind for a little over a week , and I add to my answers daily…..

I’d like to share with you the questions I’ve been asking myself, and I offer them to you  with the same inquisition…. 

  1. WHO AM I 

….. We usually answer this question with something like this…

I am Kyla, im a yoga teacher personal trainer and DoTERRA educator.. I live in Victoria,I am an only child… I love to travel and I am (mostly) plant based.

Well this isn’t AT ALL who I am. It’s what I do for work, what I eat and some random extras… SO really… deep down, under the layers of what you see, what I see, the things I say, think and do… WHO AM I

 2)  WHAT DO I DESIRE? 

…… Happiness and world peace ? Cliche and thoughtless… how do I want to feel when I wake up? How do I want to be remembered and celebrated. What would make my heart feel safe and filled up always, the small details are what I want to discover. All the finite details that make up my moments, hours, days and years…

3)  WHAT CALMS ME DOWN IN STRESSFUL OR CHALLENGING TIMES?

…. Do I require silence or do I need to talk. Do I scream cry or laugh. Who do I gravitate towards in times of emotional challenge?

4)  DO I KNOW MY PURPOSE?

……Ohhhh that’s a doozy. Why am I here? What do I have to offer? To give? Does what I have to say hold any value? Do people care? Am I following my heart and intuition or am I following what I think I’m good at. Because those are two very different things.

5)  WHAT ARE MY INSECURITIES AND WHERE DID THEY COME FROM?

…… There’s no  confusion here that I most certainly do have insecurities. Learning where they are rooted from is a deep dive, and although I am up for the challenge, I’m not sure how to pin point the moments the stories were told to me.. Mostly due to my terrible memory 🙂

6)  DO I KNOW WHY I SHY AWAY FROM THE HARD STUFF?

….It’s funny… or not so funny and more destructive really. I would consider myself a decently hard worker. I am dedicated and have been for 15 years at creating a business of passion and value to others, and I love it…. But is there more??? I assume yes

7)  DO I HAVE SELF WORTH / CONFIDENCE / LOVE ?

….Can you have self worth/value/confidence and love if you have insecurities? That is the first question to disect….

I think it is really easy to bypass all the hard stuff, the hard questions. The questions that force us to not only look within but to TRULY SEE OURSELVES. Raw, unedited selves.

Whether in relationship with others, platonically, romantically,familiarly or personally, if we don’t recognize OUR PART in both the success and struggle in our lives we will never get a different result because we will never have had the opportunity to be part of the change.

So join me or not, I’m heading on a journey

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